Shit That People I Hate On Facebook Say

So, for my job, I manage my company’s many Facebook pages. We have a company profile page to log into to manage these pages (it’s just a person page named after our company), and sometimes stupid people friend us instead of liking the page (don’t ask me why).

I tend to troll trough the news feed of these people looking for articles to link or whatever. Occasionally, though, I come across something that someone says that is so irritating that I feel the need to punch someone or smash my head on my desk. To make myself feel better, I’ve started collecting their inane words so others can see the obnoxious stupidity that prevails in my life.

Warning: These may make you angry (if you are a decent human being. If you aren’t then you probably agree with these people and wonder why I would point out their status updates as strange).

Being gay is a sexual choice, not a race of people.

This same person later said:

Teaching your children to be racist is a form of child abuse.

Apparently teaching your children to hate homosexuals is not.

People always say thing like I barley go on or I’m deleting my FB or accounts of any kind but why don’t they tell the truth I know have Those time but wtf

I honestly couldn’t tell you what this is supposed to say. I spent a good three minutes rereading it, and all I can tell is this person hates grammar, spelling, and people who complain about social media.

Omg u kno whts gr8? When ur happy

It hurt to type this out.

Anyone have a remidy to stop pucking and shitting at the same time.

That’s not English, and anything with a spellchecker on it would have at least made the spelling proper.

So, yes. I just wanted to share with the world the awful things that I have to deal with on a fairly regular basis, both at work and in my free time. Spelling properly is not that hard, people, especially when everyone’s phone/computer/Google glasses* have spell check.

*I’m actually not sure if Google glasses have a spell check, but I feel like they should, right?

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Bet You Didn’t Hear About This on the News…

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read this phrase on Facebook in the last few months, generally followed by a link to a news story about a horrible murder/rape/despicable act (extra points if the despicable act involves people of two different races!).

I know it stems from the amount of time newscasters have spent on the Trayvon Martin case, but this is such an obnoxious way to say that you find the amount of coverage unnecessary (and, in my opinion, a way to be a racist without having to resort to the n-word on public forums).

The thing that especially bugs me about these “unique” Facebook posts is the fact that most of the links are to major news sites (Fox, ABC, CBS, etc.), which means that whoever posted this article about a “pregnant woman killed in brutal racially motivated murder” found it on a news site! You’re commenting on how it is not in the news (supposedly due to extreme coverage of an African-American boy who was shot that you have no feelings for), while you read the article in the news!

Gah!

Sometimes I just can’t stand people, and more and more those people are on my Facebook. I honestly think that this is the reason why a lot of (younger) people are flocking to social medias like twitter – it’s a bit more casual in that you can unfollow someone who bugs you without them knowing, and they can still follow you. It makes me feel better about whittling down my friends list, in a way that I feel I cannot do on Facebook (without horribly offending people that I really don’t care about, but would rather not offend, because I’m a bit of a pussy like that).

Okay, I just needed to rant that out a bit. Thanks for staying with me (unless you didn’t, in which case I really can’t blame you).

 

Beware of Dolphins

So, my job entails a lot of social media posting/tweeting/trolling, and occasionally I get mind-trapped by strange articles with odd headlines (read this blog entry about an article on blue balls, if you think this is a weird tendency).

While searching for relevant things to post, I came across an article about a couple that flew to Hawaii to give birth with dolphins. Seriously, this is the new way for rich people to spend their money. Now, I’ve heard of the benefits of having a water birth, but something is seriously wrong with trying to justify giving birth among dolphins. That is not what dolphins are for.

And all throughout the article, I couldn’t help but think about this episode of the Simpsons:

 

killer dolphins

Yes, that screen says “Killer Dolphins.” Don’t believe me?

And this happened:

KILLER DOLPHINS, motherfucker.

KILLER DOLPHINS, motherfucker.

 

No, I do not believe that I will be having a dolphin-assisted birth  any time soon.

I Will Judge You for Poor Grammar

While getting gas at my local station this morning, I was unfortunate enough to have notice this message. Luckily, I was able to snap a photo before it went away. Evidence that I am not a snob, and grammar errors are awful in public places.

Are/Our

Which means that I can’t stop thinking of this:

I don't want to live on this planet anymore