Shit That People I Enjoy on Facebook Say

Sometimes I get a little pissy at the world in general, and call out people I hate and the dumb shit that they say. After that, I want to make it up to the world by reminding them (and myself) that there are people who I don’t hate who say lovely things on social media sites.

Everyone has a few people on the social medias that they used to work with/go to school with/met once at a party who you friended  because you had a bonding experience, but you don’t expect to ever have a face to face conversation with that person ever again. Most of the time, it’s completely acceptable to let them hang around for a year or so, and then unfriend/unfollow/un-whatever them after they say something particularly stupid or obnoxious.

I happen to be lucky enough to have a few of these people who I refuse to get rid of, because they light up my news feed with some real gems. Such as:

After reading that article on Jezebel about gender-neutral baby clothes, and getting into some of the comments, where people said that everyone compulsively asks a baby’s gender, I think I’ve come to the decision that if I’m ever toting a baby around and someone asks if it’s a boy or girl, I’m just going to look blankly at them and shrug like I have no idea.

Love it. She also goes on to call babies “small sentient marshmallows that leak fluids”, so you know she’s fun to peek in on every now and again.

Anyone else find it creepy that Blanche called her father “Big Daddy”?#GoldenGirlsMarathon

Yes, it is creepy. And yes, I do love that I have friends in their 20’s who still marathon Golden Girls.

And I leave you with this lovely video, added by an acquaintance on Facebook. It’s pretty fantastic, and I would never have known about it if it weren’t for Facebook (which may be a goo thing or a bad thing, depending on your opinion of foxes and their vocal habits).

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Sometimes Facebook makes me smile

Sometimes Facebook gets its timing just right to brighten up an otherwise gloomy day in the office. I love it when non-sentient beings get snarky.

religion

Timing points – +1000.

 

Side note: If you are getting your major news stories from a wordpress website, you should probably understand that the facts are probably not as they seem, since wordpress sites are free and anyone can start up a “news” site to spout their own opinions.

I would say I’m only judging a little, but who am I kidding? I’m judging a lot.

 

A case of unfortunate pole placement…

While driving to the booming metropolis nearby (read: slightly larger town half an hour away), I happened to stop at a red light in one of the smaller towns along the way. Looking to my left, I saw this lovely sign, and was quick enough to snap a picture.

Would you like one of our Bitch Pizzas? It's the house special.

Would you like one of our Bitch Pizzas? It’s the house special.

Gotta love some good old small town humor.

 

The Best Way to Change

I look through my spam inbox frequently, which has resulted in Spam Haikus, a series of haiku poems using only words found in spam emails. It’s challenging and wonderful and makes me feel creative while I sit in a cubicle and stare at HTML text.

But since starting a blog, I’ve come across a new kind of spam. You all know the kind; comments that say things like

spam

and

spam

Well, some of these are strangely lovely, and I’ve decided to use their words (combined throughout the weeks) as part of a poem. All I’ve added is a bit of punctuation, and that’s more for my own sanity than anything else.

Here is is.

wishing for blogging
is not merely for safekeeping –
Luck is more advanced than search engines.

Money and freedom is the best way to change
what is so perfect about modern-day democracy
as well as the marketplace of ideas.

And irrespective,
Your perspective… is the best way to change.
i think it will be helpful.

this method climbs into your current kidney
inflicting indication within just a number –
a fastidious one.

Shiny
really does understand gentle generating looks
Nevertheless, confused.

As strange as it is, I’m awfully fond of this. Although, I sincerely believe that it can be summed up in the last line.

 

The Time My Boss Bought Me Socks

I was going to write about how much I hate all of the news articles about digging up an empty space where Hoffa is supposed to be buried, but I decided the story of how my boss bought me socks was more fun.

This was at my old old job, the first full-time job I had right out of college. I was working at a small family-owned company, where there were literally four of us (and I was the only one not family), so it was really laid back. Like, jeans and tennis shoes with a cat in my lap laid back.

My boss had bought his wife (who worked with us) some boots for Christmas, and had them shipped to the office (because why not?). To make the order large enough for free shipping, he added a pair of men’s dress socks for himself. (Why he decided on dress socks, I will never know, since the man lives in bleach-splattered t-shirts and Birkenstocks.)

When the packaged arrived, he opened the box and went, “Why did I buy these? These are awful!” Not knowing what awful thing he had inadvertently bought, I turned around to find him holding an awesome pair of argyle socks!

socks

Nevermind the sensible black pumps.

 

Seriously, they’re fantastic.

Because I liked them so much, and because he would never dream of wearing argyle socks, my boss gave them to me.

Even though that relationship ended on a poor note (which is a whole other story), I still think of my boss and that job when I wear them. Which is a lot, because I only have about three pairs of work-appropriate socks now that I have to dress up every day.